Category: Joke Board
One day, in a line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Tesco's. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten pounds. A lot cheaper than a doctor."
So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Tesco's. He deposits ten pounds and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping at Tesco's."
That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.
He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter and a sperm sample from himself for good measure.
Joe hurries back to Tesco's, eager to check the results. He deposits ten pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.
Thank you for shopping at Tesco's.
Good one.
lol clever
LOL Wayne, very good.
lol awesome.
I've heard a variant on this one as early as 1992 or so. I still think it's funny.
I laughed so hard, I scared myself, and the kitties! Oh! That is hilarious! Keep them coming!
Very good, and thanks for shopping at Tesco.
Bob
Now, would you like your pee cup back or may we dispose of it for you?
I wonder if that machine knows if you have a bladder infection.? It would be much faster than the doctor. LOL
lol but you can smell one of those.
Never mind the bladder infection. How about mild anemia. How the hell are you supposed to give it a blood sample unless you use one of those diabetes blood sugar testing strips? lol Excellent joke. thanks for sharing.
*snickers behind fist*
Funny, but pretty messed up; it would be great if this technology actually existed.